A Tree Falls

Everybody has probably heard the Koan: If a tree falls in the forest, and there is no one to hear it, does it still make a sound?

Lately, I have seen a lot of altered versions of that question. This version is on t-shirts, bumper stickers, posters, greeting cards, billboards, television ads, blah, blah, blah…. The version goes this way: If a man speaks, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

I find this as further proof that there truly is a “Shadow Matriarchy” conspiracy at work in the world. What is the Shadow Matriarchy? Maybe one day I will tell you…. But the reason this is proof is because this cute little jab at men has gone unanswered for many years. Well, people, here is the answer I am going to spread around (and if you have any testosterone in your body, you will spread it around also):

IF A WOMAN IS NOT IN THE KITCHEN, REGARDLESS OF HER MARITAL STATUS, IS SHE STILL WRONG?

Boo-Yah! Yeah! I said it! Make me a samich!!!